I’m frequently asked to read information about people’s parents. About why they did things or didn’t do things, why they set certain things in motion, why they hold certain beliefs, etc. But mostly what people actually want to know is, if they actually chose their parents, and if they did, why they did.
So, do we choose our parents: Yes.
We extensively prepare for an embodied life before we come into it. As parents are one of the most foundational pieces of and embodied life it’s certainly not something we leave to chance. Parents provide our race, social circumstances, geographic identity (or lack thereof), economic status, as well as a lineage handed down through both family lines and genetics, just to name a few things. Then there are the specifics of the social structure which is the family they create out of their own personalities and choices in each moment. That’s a lot to get from just a couple of people.
This brings us to the second question: Why.
This one always gives me pause, not because it’s in any way wrong to ask, not because I’ll have problems seeing the information, but because of the two assumptions embedded into it which I have to work against or through. One is the assumptions the parents had no free will and simply acted out scripts which the child agreed to beforehand. The other is the parents they chose were like time release capsules with lessons and events for the child packed into them ready to unfold over time.
These assumptions can make it seem everything the parents did or didn’t do was predetermined and some kind of life lesson which the child has yet to figure out and is therefore still working through. Information and understanding I can help clients with and the first thing I point out is their parents’ lives were no more predetermined than their own. Free will is granted to all of us, including parents. Which means, just like us, they set goals for what they wished to achieve in their lives. This includes being parents and as parents they made agreements to provide their child with a variety of things and experiences, and then they get to implement this in the embodied world. And they will fail spectacularly in a variety of ways from small to amazingly large.